WE LIVE IN USA
Say the dollar amount before you ask someone to be a bridesmaid
American weddings have a convention very different from Taiwan's: the wedding party pays their own way. Dresses or suits, hair and makeup, flights and hotels are usually on them.
If that difference isn't spelled out, it turns into a very awkward friendship.
Say the numbers when you ask
Don't just ask "will you be my bridesmaid?" Say:
"The dress is about $150, hair and makeup about $100, and the flight would be on you. Does that work?"
The purpose isn't to scare them off, it's to make it possible for them to honestly say no.
Because if you only ask whether they're willing, they'll almost certainly say yes, as that's a friend's instinct. Three months later, when you send a link for a $250 dress plus an $800 per person bachelorette itinerary, backing out is already very hard. They're left with two options: swallow it, or back out at a really awkward time.
Naming the amount up front protects the friendship.
The respective roles
Maid of honor
- Helping choose the dress
- Organizing the bachelorette party
- Holding the emergency kit and the rings on the day(see item 50 of the checklist: the emergency kit shouldn't be with the bride herself)
- Giving a speech
Best man
- Holding the rings
- Giving a speech
- Helping the groom through the day
The rest of the wedding party
The processional, photos, greeting guests.
Worth noting: much of what those two lead roles do is administrative, not decorative. When picking someone, besides being close, think about whether they are reliable: they'll hold the rings, produce the emergency kit when you can't find something, and help when the run of show falls apart.
Choosing the dresses
Same palette, different styles (mix-and-match) is more practical than one uniform dress:
- It suits different body shapes: with a single style, someone always feels uncomfortable, and she won't tell you.
- It's easier to accept: "pick one you like in this color" is much friendlier than "wear this."
- They can wear it again later, which makes a real difference when they're paying out of pocket.
On timing, order 4–6 months before the wedding (earlier for made-to-order), leaving time for two rounds of alterations. Out-of-town bridesmaids need extra time for shipping and alterations.
The bachelorette budget trap
The bachelorette or bachelor party is organized by the maid of honor or best man, and the American convention is that attendees split the guest of honor's costs; the couple pay nothing.
But destination versions easily run $1,000+ per person, which some people find impossible to decline. The organizer should ask each person privately about their budget ceiling first, and then decide on the itinerary, rather than booking it first and announcing the cost later (see item 92 of the checklist).
In one line
Money first, invitation second; choose for reliability as well as closeness; same color, different styles.