The eight parts of an American ceremony: and which sentence is the one that legally marries you

An American ceremony has a fixed skeleton. Knowing what it looks like tells you what you can change and what to leave alone.

The standard structure

1. ProcessionalGrandparents, both sets of parents, the wedding party, the flower girl, and finally the bride (traditionally escorted by her father).
2. Welcome / opening remarksThe officiant greets everyone.
3. Reading(Optional) Often a friend or relative reading a poem or short passage.
4. Vows
5. Ring exchange
6. Pronouncement ← the legally decisive sentence
7. Kiss
8. Recessional

A secular ceremony typically runs 20 to 30 minutes; a religious one 45 to 60 minutes.

Number 6 is the one that counts

Many people assume the vows are what create the marriage. They aren't. What legally creates it is the officiant's pronouncement, plus the marriage license signed afterwards and returned to the county.

The practical meaning of that: the content of the vows is entirely up to you. They can be funny, long, in two languages, or skip the standard wording altogether. None of it affects the validity of the marriage (for writing vows see item 103 of the checklist).

Conversely, what genuinely can't go wrong is the officiant's qualification (see item 6 of the checklist) and whether the document gets sent back (see item 9 of the checklist), as those two are the actual legal requirements.

The part Chinese families most often want to change

The processional order. American tradition has the bride escorted by her father, while Chinese families often want both parents to walk together.

That's entirely changeable, with two caveats:

1. Tell the officiant and coordinator in advanceThe run sheet they're holding is written to the standard version.
2. Walk it at the rehearsal(see item 99 of the checklist) An unrehearsed processional will definitely be chaotic on the day. Who walks with whom, how fast, where to stop, and where to sit afterwards, you really won't know until you've actually walked through it once.

Common compromises: the bride escorted by both parents, the groom escorted by his mother, or both sets of parents entering and being seated before the wedding party. There's no right answer; what matters is that once you've decided, everyone knows.

Differences in the sense of time

20 to 30 minutes may feel short to older relatives used to a Taiwanese banquet, often leaving them thinking "that's it?", while a 45 to 60 minute religious ceremony might feel long to younger guests.

If your guest list is diverse, put approximate timings for each section on the program so people know what to expect. A bilingual program is an often overlooked yet super practical detail for a Chinese wedding (see item 108 of the checklist).

In one line

Of the eight parts, only number 6 has legal meaning; change the rest to suit you, but make sure the officiant, the coordinator and the rehearsal all know.

← Back to the checklist