Date, budget and headcount get set together: falling for a venue first is where control is lost

The first step in planning isn't finding a venue, it's nailing down three numbers at once. They're bound together; move one and the other two move with it.

The triangle

• Headcount determines venue size: 120 people and 60 people give you two completely different lists of venues
• The venue determines the budget: venue plus catering usually consumes half the total
• The budget constrains headcount in turn: every extra guest is a meal, a seat and a favor

So there's no "decide one and work the rest out later." You can only model all three together until all three are reasonable.

The most common way control is lost

Falling in love with a venue and then working out the budget.

It usually goes: you visit a beautiful venue at the weekend, are convinced on the spot, and pay the deposit. You get home and discover its minimum spend forces you to invite 150 people when you'd wanted 80. So the list gets padded and the budget blows up.

Venue deposits are usually non-refundable. By that point you've lost your room to adjust.

The right order

1. Write the guest list firstMake sure to write out actual names, instead of just guessing "about a hundred." Once written down, it's usually more than you imagined.
2. Set a total budget ceilingThat includes who's paying and how much: the sooner this is settled, the better.
3. Estimate roughly as headcount × per-person costThe national average for catering starts at about $120 to $150 per person, so you can use that number as a baseline.
4. Then go and see venues, arriving with "my headcount is X and my ceiling is Y"

The date has the most leverage

Of the three numbers, the date converts most easily into money. Peak season (May. October) plus a Saturday is the most expensive combination; winter, Friday or Sunday commonly saves 20–30%.

If your budget is tight, changing the date is more effective than cutting any single item, and it doesn't make the wedding look cheap at all.

But note the constraint running the other way: once the date is set, it determines the availability of the "big three" (venue, photographer, hair and makeup). Popular dates are gone a year out (see item 34 of the checklist).

Tiering the guest list

Writing the list and finding it over budget is the norm. Rather than cutting outright, tier it:

• Tier A: must invite
• Tier B: invite if there's room
• Tier C: send an announcement, no invitation

Tier B invitations go out once Tier A has RSVP'd, and not too late (see item 48 of the checklist). That buys back space from the actual acceptance rate rather than offending people at the start.

In one line

List first, budget second, venue last. Reversing that order costs you a non-refundable deposit and a padded guest list.

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