WE LIVE IN USA
The engagement party list can't be wider than the wedding's: anyone invited there must be invited to the wedding
An engagement party happens 1–3 months after the engagement. Traditionally hosted by the bride's parents, these days usually by the couple themselves.
It has few rules, but one has no exceptions.
The one hard rule
Anyone invited to the engagement party must be invited to the wedding.
In other words: the engagement party list can't be wider than the wedding list.
This follows the same logic as a Save the Date (see item 36 of the checklist). If you've already brought someone into the circle of this marriage, excluding them from the main event is a slight that's very hard to repair.
So in practice: invite Tier A only(See the tiering in item 48 of the checklist.) If your wedding list isn't settled yet, keep the engagement party small; better to under-invite than over-invite.
Who hosts
Traditionally the bride's parents, but now usually the couple themselves, or both families together.
If both sets of parents want to host, that's itself a signal: the two families need an occasion to get to know each other properlyThat's actually the most practical function of an engagement party. Especially in a cross-cultural marriage, it lets both sets of parents meet and share a meal before the chaos of the wedding.
Chinese engagement traditions
Chinese families have their own engagement rituals, a separate system from an American engagement party.
Common approaches:
- Hold bothFor example, holding a traditional engagement ceremony in Taiwan and an engagement party in America.
- Combine themYou can host an American-style party with a tea ceremony or exchange of tokens built into it.
- Hold only oneThis mostly comes down to whichever matters more to both sets of parents.
Discuss this with your parents early, because elders' expectations about "getting engaged" may be more specific than you think (betrothal gifts, choosing an auspicious date, which relatives to invite).
The gift question
Guests sometimes bring gifts to an engagement party. Note: don't mention a registry on the invitationJust like with wedding invitations, that's inappropriate in American etiquette (see item 115 of the checklist).
And Chinese guests may give red envelopes, which is equally natural. If both happen, remember to record them (see item 56 of the checklist), as that record will be used later for reciprocating.
It can be very simple
An engagement party doesn't have to be a small wedding. A meal at home or a private room at a restaurant is entirely fine.
Its value lies in the two families meeting and the formal announcement, not in scale. Save the budget for the wedding itself (see item 40 of the checklist).
In one line
Invite Tier A only and keep it small; and if both sets of parents want to host, that's the signal that the two families should properly meet.