WE LIVE IN USA
Vows aren't a legal requirement: which is why the content is entirely up to you
People agonize over writing vows because they think it's the passage that decides whether the marriage exists, and mustn't be got wrong.
That isn't the case.
Something else creates the marriage
It's the officiant's pronouncement (the sentence declaring you married), plus the marriage license signed and returned to the county (see items 9 and 102 of the checklist).
The content of the vows is entirely freeYou can make them funny, include an inside joke, use two languages, or never use the words "I do." None of that affects the legal validity of the marriage.
Knowing this makes it so much easier when you sit down to write.
Three things to agree on first
1. Tone: funny or heartfelt
One of you telling jokes while the other is in tears is awkward for both. Align first.
2. Length
1–2 minutes each (about 200–300 words).
It's best to agree on this beforehand so you don't end up with 30 seconds from one person and 5 minutes from the other, because that gap is very obvious in the room. You can agree on "about 250 words each."
3. How to handle two languages
Three approaches:
- All Chinese or all EnglishThis is the simplest approach, where you just print the translation in the other language directly on the program.
- A section eachDo the first half in Chinese and the second half in English, without repeating translations on the spot.
- One language eachIf you have different native languages, each of you can just use the language you express yourself best in.
❗ Don't translate line by line on the spot, as it doubles the time and cuts the emotion right apart (see item 44 of the checklist).
The third works especially naturally in a cross-border marriage: you speak in Chinese, they speak in English, and each of you says what you actually mean. The translations are printed in the program so both families can follow.
Timeline
- Finish writing 1 month before the wedding
- Practice 1 week beforeRemember to read it out loud and time yourself while you're at it.
Practicing isn't about memorizing; it's to learn the length and to catch the sentences that sound strange spoken (a sentence that reads smoothly doesn't always say smoothly).
Always take a card up with you
You will forget your lines from nerves.This isn't a matter of willpower. When you're standing in front of hundreds of people and flooded with emotion, your memory really can go blank.
Reading from a card isn't the least bit embarrassing, and it looks natural in photographs. What you'll actually regret is the picture of yourself standing there blanking and laughing awkwardly.
Put the card in the day-of document kit (see item 126 of the checklist).
If you can't write them
Standard vows are entirely fine. Plenty of people use the standard version and save what they want to say for the thank-you speech at the receptionwhere the setting is more relaxed, and you can also talk a bit longer.
In one line
Vows don't affect validity, so write freely; align on tone and length, then print a card to take up with you.