WE LIVE IN USA
Tell people privately before the invitations go out if it's adults-only: late notice offends outright
Whether to invite children is one of the most relationship-damaging decisions in wedding planning. And what damages the relationship usually isn't the decision itself, it's when and how people are told.
Three options
- Children welcome throughout
- Reception onlyDuring the ceremony, you can ask parents to step outside with their kids first, or arrange for childcare in advance.
- Adults-only
How to say it: two layers
1. The formal notice
Adults-only should be stated explicitly on the invitation and the wedding website, with only the adults' names on the envelope.
In American etiquette, whoever is named on the envelope is who is invited. Writing "Mr. And Mrs. Chen" instead of "The Chen Family" is a message in itself. However, this practice may not be easily understood by Chinese guests unfamiliar with American customs, so it is best to add a clear note in words.
2. The private conversation (more important)
Tell friends and relatives with children privately before the invitations go out.
Giving last-minute notice that kids aren't welcome will directly offend people, because they might have already started planning their trip, booking flights, or even told their child "we're going to a wedding."
Make a call or send a message first: "We're doing adults-only this time and wanted to tell you ahead, we really hope you can still come."
The effect of that call: they didn't learn it from a piece of paper, and they have time to arrange a sitter.
Extra considerations in Chinese families
This is far more sensitive in a Chinese family than an American one. Because:
- A Chinese wedding is traditionally a family eventFor most people, "the whole family goes together" is the default expectation.
- Older relatives may not understand why they can't bring a grandchild
- Relatives travelling far , flying from Taiwan and leaving the children at home isn't realistic
So the common compromise in practice is: immediate family's children may come, everyone else adults-only. That line is clear and defensible.
But it has to be applied consistentlyOnce people see an exception at the venue, someone will start asking "why do they get to do it."
On-site childcare is a good investment
Typically $25–$40 an hour 💵.
Setting aside a room with a sitter means:
- Children have somewhere to be and parents can relax
- No crying during the ceremony (the couple's main worry)
- A real solution for relatives who travelled far and had no choice but to bring children
If there are only three to five children, hiring a sitter might cost less than you think, and it is far kinder than "letting parents figure it out themselves."
If you do welcome children
A few small things make a big difference: children's meals (confirm with catering how they're counted, see item 30 of the checklist), ceremony seating (aisle seats for easy exits), and a corner where children can move around.
In one line
Whatever you decide is fine, but tell friends with children privately before the invitations go out; hiring one sitter often solves more than enforcing the rule does.